Osama: Kill Obama But Biden Not So Much

Biden: Oh, so now I'm not important enough to kill!

Reports from Washington, DC indicate, terrorist Osama Bin Laden, wanted to orchestrate the killing of U.S. President, Barack Obama, but Joe Biden, not so much. Bin Laden was reportedly killed in a Navy Seal raid on his fixer upper compound in Abbottabad, Pakisan.

Osama: Joe who?

Items seized from the slain Al Qaeda terrorist's lair, revealed he sought the assassination of President Obama, labeling him a high level target, but Vice President, Joe Biden, was specifically deemed a non-crucial point of interest. I'm not gonna pretend I didn't laugh, as that was a diss.

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STORY SOURCE

Osama bin Laden to al-Qaeda: 'Don't bother assassinating Joe Biden'

Harry Reid Says He Does Not Want To See Osama Corpse Photos

Harry Reid

U.S. Senator Harry Reid, a Democrat, who is seen in the recent photo posted above, after a mishap left him battered and bruised, stated to the press that he does not want to see the corpse pictures of slain Al Qaeda terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, which President Barack Obama is making available to select members of Congress. That's ironic, because could Osama really look anymore banged up than you do in that photo, Harry. Only teasing.

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Your Granny Cut The Internet

Hayastan Shakarian (Girlfriend, back away from the saw, like, yesterday). Kim Kardashian if she lives to be 75 and doesn't have a freak Botox and butt pad accident

75-year-old Armenian, Hayastan Shakarian, accidentally cut a fiber optic cable that supplied her Georgian village, Armazi, with the internet. Can you imagine if it were your grandmother that made the blunder and all the kids in the neighborhood knew she was the reason they can't play their favorite video games online (haha). Can you say "Shady Pines." Poor old lady. Everybody should give her a break (not literally). I have to be specific, because kids today will kick your butt.

STORY SOURCE

Georgian pensioner devastated after 'cutting Internet'

The Aflac Duck vs. The Geico Lizard

Lizard/Gecko

It is time to ponder more of the pressing, serious mysteries of life, especially those that impact the economy. If the Aflac duck and the Geico lizard got into a fight, who would win. While the Geico lizard is little, he is fast and agile, whereas the Aflac duck basically hovers. I say the lizard could get in a few punches, then run away. What was the purpose of this article, you ask? I don't know either.

Derek Rose Is A Thorn

Derek Rose

A few days ago, I misread a news headline, which I thought said Chicago Bulls’ star basketball player, Derek Rose, got arrested for DUI and thinking about the Miami Heat and the playoffs, I said yay! Turns out it was another basketball player, Jalen Rose. Wrong Rose! Got my hopes up for nothing! Sorry, it’s the playoffs and people sometimes get desperate anxious.

All this time I’ve been sitting here trying to psych out Kobe on the site, when another threat was looming, via this dude sitting right here on the East Coast shutting people down on the court. Uh, anybody know anything I can write about his mama or girlfriend? My work is never done (kidding).

Note: A bribe message to all cops, even black ones, $50 if you arrest Derek Rose for DUI DWB "driving while black" causing him to miss a playoff game. He's gonna need Obama and the Secret Service to get out of this one.

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Real Madrid Bus Runs Over Championship Trophy (LOL)

When Trophies Attack

Seeing as though Arsenal is my favorite football team, I've been laughing at the next story...a lot. Real Madrid won the Copa del Rey trophy and took it out for a spin in an open top bus, during a celebratory parade held in front of thousands of cheering people.

Ramos: Please tell me I didn't just drop the trophy...

Football player, Sergio Ramos, hoisted the trophy in the air and for a while had a pretty good grip on it. Notice I said "for a while." It wasn't long before he lost his grip on the trophy and it went tumbling down the front of the bus, landing under it.

Trophy: yes, you did...and it hurt!

The driver, not realizing what transpired, promptly crushed the trophy under the wheels of the bus. Wow, football and comedy in the same story. You can't beat that (but apparently you can drop it). As funny as this story is, I feel bad for Ramos, as it was an accident. Still, that doesn't mean I'm not laughing...hard.

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Were His Granddad!

Justin Bieber

17-year-old pop singer, Justin Bieber, has been voted one of the most influential people in the world. Bieber 's had a whirlwind rise to fame and fortune, earning over $100,000,000. That can buy a lot of haircuts. The young singer is currently touring Malaysia and was spotted reuniting with his girlfriend, actress, Selena Gomez, at a local airport.

The Jacksons in the 1970s

You know what I'm thinking. No, not that I'm the most humble and best blogger in the world (even though I am). Somewhere Joe Jackson is wishing that Justin Bieber were his grandson (so he could pimp him).

I saw this on a parody site and it is so wrong (LOL)

Can you imagine Joe Jackson running after Justin Bieber with a belt like in the movie. Joe would be yelling at Justin, "Pick up that brick...now put it down!" "go break a switch off that tree" "go practice your turns and tossing your hair in the mirror for an hour...and don't touch my guitar!" I'm just playing Joe - don't get mad (translation: I don't want the belt either).

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Wouldn't It Be Funny If Megan Fox Crashed The Transformers 3 Premiere

I Only Write That Because I Care (Grin)

Megan Fox: I could totally stab her with my stiletto

Wouldn't it be funny if Megan Fox crashed the "Transformers 3" movie premiere after being fired as the star of the films. Seriously, show of hands, who wouldn't want to see that. It would be hilarious to witness Fox pulling a Britney Spears, ranting, raving and flipping out, whilst yelling at her replacement Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: Hehe, I still have your job...and your clothes (costumes)

However, the film series' director, Michael Bay, will probably have a lot of security at the event, scuppering what would be pure hilarity and hits for bloggers. $20 to the first guard that let's Megan past security at the premiere (yea, I'm rich like that).

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