Madonna Plans New Plastic Surgery As Guy Ritchie Seeks To Marry Girlfriend Half Her Age

Madonna

Now that her ex-husband, Guy Ritchie, has moved on from sick, scheming, so-called singer, Madonna, taken up with a woman half her age that he has impregnated, Jacqui Ainsley, the neurotic pop star has become more plastic surgery obsessed than ever. Her gossiping pals have been laughing behind her back in Hollywood, regarding word of her latest planned surgeries she has been bragging about.

However, the general public and all self-respecting optometrists, should file a class action lawsuit against Madonna’s plastic surgeon, for the terrible work he has done on her. If he lifts her face any higher, her nose is going to be on her forehead. Her cheeks have been lifted so high and far apart, they are practically touching her ears. Ironically, Madonna, who has been known to perversely mimic other women, has been trying to look like Ainsley.

Guy Ritchie and Jacqui Ainsley

Ritchie is just happy to be away from Madonna, as he sacrificed his youth in marrying a terrible, misery shrew that obsessively controlled every facet of his life. He’s no saint either, having married Madonna for her connections and what he wanted her to do for his film career. He has been sued for everything he has ever made, after pilfering it from other filmmakers.

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Barack Obama: I’m Getting Old

Stress is prematurely aging Barack Obama (But he still looks younger than Dorian Gray Lindsay Lohan)

During a speech to potential campaign donors, U.S. President, Barack Obama, let the audience in on a little secret - he's aging. Obama stated, “I don’t look that young anymore. I’m grayer, I have bags under my eyes...some of the excitement of something entirely new is not going to be there, and I’ve got some dents and dings in the fender."

Some say you are only as old as you feel. However, I metaphorically say, you're only as old as you look (and what your birth certificate says). You really thought I wouldn't slip a birth certificate joke into an article about Obama. You don't know me very well, do you.

Seriously, Obama can go the route some have in dying his gray hairs, getting Botox, fillers and plastic surgery, but at the end of the day, most people do not take politicians seriously if it is obvious they've had cosmetic work done. Discretion is key.

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Wistful Barack Obama Faces Turning 50

Lindsay Lohan Is Looking Old

Lindsay Lohan and Victoria Gotti

At a press conference for the planned John Gotti biopic, to feature the life of the late mafioso, Hollywood train wreck Lindsay Lohan, 24, stood next to the mobster's daughter, Victoria Gotti, 48 and managed to look the same age. Another reason you should not do drugs, children.

Lindsay Lohan

Thus far, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian are reportedly going to be cast in the movie, which is already hurting its credibility and the first frame of film hasn't even been shot yet, pardon the pun. Kardashian can't act and Lohan forgot how to, due to drugs depleting her brain cells.

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Britney Spears Is Looking Very Old For 29

Britney Spears

Sony Music pop tart, Britney Spears is looking very old her age. By no means is 29 old, unless you’re a ten year old, then that’s decrepit. However, Spears has aged very badly and so rapidly.

Pre-Photoshop Photos have been leaked online, which were taken in support of her latest unoriginal CD and she looks much older than her age and very rough. That’s not good, especially for an entertainer.

Lindsay Lohan

Spears has aged almost as badly as one time actress and fellow Kabbalah cult member, Lindsay Lohan, who is only 24-years-old, but looks far older as well. That’s what hard living and a psychotic cult will do to a person - premature aging. There are female entertainers in Hollywood twenty years older than Spears and Lohan, who look much better, but they aren't in a stressful, crazy cult.

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